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Woman Missing Best Friend’s Wedding ‘Just Because’ Divides Internet

1651864099 bride her bridesmaids

A woman has claimed in a now-viral post that she was planning to skip her best friend’s wedding ‘just because’.

Writing on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole’ (AITA) forum under a disposable account, the woman said she was a ‘hermit’ who ‘doesn’t do social gatherings’. The post received over 8,000 upvotes and over 2,600 comments from Redditors who can’t decide if the woman is “selfish” or just practicing healthy boundaries. The post conveniently falls during Mental Health Awareness Month.

At the start of her message, the woman explained that she was “extremely introverted”.

“I have exactly two friends, and I talk to them and my family, mostly online, I only meet them once in a while. I don’t have social anxiety or anything, but people wear me out so much I can barely function at the end of a day’s work,” she wrote.

Bride and her bridesmaids
A woman has claimed in a now-viral post that she was planning to skip her best friend’s wedding ‘just because’.
Serhii Sobolevskyi/istock

She went on to say that as a result, she “doesn’t do social gatherings,” which is why she isn’t planning on attending her best friend’s destination wedding.

“I would like to be clear: there is simply no universe in which I fly six hours just to spend a whole weekend socializing with [people] I don’t even know,” she said.

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Of course, her best friend was upset to learn that she wouldn’t be at the wedding.

“She said she was upset because I put my own comfort ahead of her feelings. I told her she was right and that I would always put my comfort level above others. [people’s] feelings, hence the number of friends I have, and that she knew it very well from the beginning, ”recalls the woman.

“I care about her feelings and didn’t mean to hurt her, but I also feel like she failed us both with her expectations,” she continued. “AITA for skipping my friend’s wedding ‘just because?'”

When she declined the invitation, the woman claimed she told her friend she would watch the ceremony online and give her and her fiancé their gift when they got home.

wedding etiquette

According to etiquette Myka Meier, that was more or less the polite way to decline the invitation.

“It’s always appropriate to send a wedding gift, even if you decline their wedding invitation,” Meier told Brides. “The reason we send a wedding gift whether you attend or not is because you want to not only show your support for the couple, but also show your gratitude for being invited.”

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Meier added that the couple’s loved ones should also get in touch before seeing their written RSVP “with more details on why [they] are not present.”

What do the commentators think?

Some Redditors have argued that because the woman has been so open about her introversion and because she’s still considering buying her best friend a wedding present, she’s not wrong to skip the wedding.

“NAH [not the a**hole]u/RonaValentine wrote. “You said you will follow online so presumably others have the same option AND you are still giving them a gift. They have every right to be disappointed, but anyone planning a destination wedding has to accept that not everyone will attend for a variety of reasons.”

They have every right to be disappointed, but anyone planning a destination wedding has to accept that not everyone will attend for various reasons.

u/RonaValentine

“No, it’s not a situation where you said, ‘Of course I’ll be there with bells! and then soaked. It’s a, ‘Sorry, I can’t do it, here’s your gift, I’ll tune into the live stream.’ Seems like she doesn’t respect your boundaries and isn’t a very good friend,” u/educatedlegume said.

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“NTA. Seems like you’ve always been very clear about who you are and what your limits are. Also, you seem great, like very honest and direct, I would appreciate those qualities in a friend,” added u/yourchevywindow.

Other commentators, however, argued that the woman was “selfish”.

“YTA [you’re the a**hole]“, said km89. “I am also a hermit. So I understand. But when you prioritize your personal comfort over an important event in your friend’s life, you clearly communicate what your priorities are. You can’t expect it not to hurt people’s feelings.”

It’s not unreasonable to expect a friend to come to your wedding if it’s your divine best friend.

u/Jane9812

“YTA: I’m getting introverted but expecting to lose a friend. You’re selfish,” u/jrmadagascar commented.

Redditor u/Jane9812 added, “YTA. It’s not unreasonable to expect a friend to come to your wedding if it’s your god best friend.”

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

Turns out the woman isn’t the first AITA poster to go viral recently. On Friday, a woman who shared she made comments about her colleague’s “mistress” went viral, as did a woman who claimed her boyfriend’s brother made an ignorant comment about her infertility.

And last week, a woman posting to the forum went viral after sharing that her brother came out as gay when he married.

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