The Internet Sides With This Guy After He Left GF At The Airport Because Her Passport Was Expired

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From the moment we set foot on this planet, most of us are ready, able, and willing to learn how to make sense of this confusing world around us. But unfortunately, some people jump at acquiring common sense and decide that they can easily slip through life at the expense of others. A story on the popular subreddit “Am I The A-hole” is a perfect example.

User tawayaitalifeskills opened up about a relationship conundrum he had with his girlfriend a few years ago. You see, he left her at the airport and took a two-week trip to Southeast Asia alone after realizing his passport had expired. Sounds a bit off-putting, doesn’t it? Well, there is a bit of context to take.

The young woman is notoriously irresponsible and believes her SO and loved ones only exist in her life to meet her needs. “Whenever she asks for help with something, what she really asks for is someone to take responsibility for the task,” the user wrote and was surprised to find out that her girlfriend can be so out of touch with reality. Read on to find out how the story unfolded and weigh in on the situation in the comments!

This man thinks his romantic partner needs to be independent and able to take care of themselves for the relationship to flourish

Image credits: Victor Freitas (not the actual photo)

So when it didn’t meet that standard, he turned to the AITA community to ask people to assess the situation.

Image credits: Oleksandr Pidvalnyi (not the actual photo)

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Tawayaitalifeskills’ post sparked heated debate in the comments. After all, leaving your partner at the airport and going on a dream trip without him raises a lot of questions and worries. But most of the AITA community determined that the boyfriend was not wrong in this situation. Many have blamed the user’s disorganized girlfriend for taking no personal responsibility for his actions, despite being a successful adult in his professional life.

At the same time, several Redditors had a different opinion. While the girlfriend lacks much of the knowledge she should have known by now, people have argued that she probably had no idea what those basic skills required. You see, the fact that we sometimes grasp obvious things only later in life is nothing new.

“We are literally hardwired to move current events into the background of our consciousness so that we can seek out new things,” Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and creator of mental conduct, told us in a previous interview. “The obvious fades into the background, so we reserve brain bandwidth to notice the novel, the defining events in our lives.”

He explained that sometimes we miss the obvious things because we may not be psychologically ready to handle them. “A toxic relationship, an overly intense love interest, a realization that we don’t have a skill or strength that we believe we have.” Although these things may seem clear to the outside observer, “our own psychological defenses are building up and preventing us from seeing the obvious. Because it could overwhelm us emotionally and psychologically.

Moreover, it will not be surprising to hear that professionals say that our parents can influence our adult relationships in many ways. They are the first people who show us what love is, so how we give and receive it is usually shaped by these early experiences.

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Relationship coach Marta, the founder of MyCoachMartaTold bored panda that our behavior is the direct result of the patterns we have developed throughout life. “Let’s say this woman grew up in a family where the mother stayed home and took care of the family with love, while the father took on the role of provider, paying the bills and looking after all the other administrators. of life”.

“Children learn by observing what is modeled, so even though she was never explicitly told about it, she subconsciously picked up and registered the fact that it is the man of the house who is in charge of these questions,” Marta explained and added. it’s more of an unconscious belief that “this is the way things are”, rather than assuming that her partner will always be there to help her. “She may be either completely unaware of this belief, or ashamed if she is indeed aware of it.”

After reading the story, most people sided with the boyfriend

While many Redditors have accused the girlfriend of not putting in the effort to learn common life skills, her behavior could stem from the mentality she has towards life. The relationship coach explained that excessive parenting and not having enough responsibility or opportunity to discover our own skills are two other ways this mindset could arise.

“It has a huge impact on our adult relationships,” Marta added. “We need mindful parenting that provides a mix of nurturing and a safe base to return to as we explore the world and our role in it in order to create a strong sense of self and internal patterns of relationship. “

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“When these needs are not met, we develop insecure or unhealthy patterns of relating to others as well as distorted perceptions of life, which have profound consequences that extend beyond our interpersonal relationships.”

Since the girlfriend’s behavior seems to cause recurring arguments in the relationship, Marta suggested that this issue was worth working through together. “I call curiosity and compassion relationship superpowers. A lot of fights can be avoided by being curious about why our partner acts the way they do,” she said.

“All problematic behaviors started at some point as a way to make us feel safe, loved, and like we belonged. If we keep this in mind, we can have compassion even for the things that upset us,” Marta added, “We can then talk about what’s going on, how it affects the relationship and the partners individually, and come up with ideas for moving forward in a way that benefits everyone.”

However, we cannot force others to change. We can try to get them to address their maladaptive strategies, but that can only happen in an emotionally safe environment, Marta explained.

“When conflict is approached with a win-win attitude, I rarely come across someone who is unwilling to adapt. However, if firmly set in their ways, expecting the partner to take care of certain aspects of his life, it will be up to him to decide where his limits are and whether he is willing to compromise them.

“Most couples, fortunately, discover so much more about each other when they begin to communicate with curiosity and compassion that they become more committed to the success of their relationship and are ready to put in the work,” concluded Marta.

Although some Redditors questioned the user’s decision and determined that he was acting like a jerk

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